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A Taste of Will and Blueberries By Frater M.O. | |
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.  Years ago, I remember dining with a fellow Thelemite I didn't know very well and looked forward to a meal that included the discussion of magick and philosophy. After we were seated and exchanged a few warm-up remarks our waitress bounced up to our table with more pep than a cheerleader at homecoming. Her pleated pink skirt continued to shimmy after she came to a stop at our table, her notepad and pen at the ready anxiously awaiting our order. As I often do, I asked her, "so what's delicious?" She enthusiastically chirped out the daily specials and then leaned into us like she was letting us in on a big secret. Her personal favorite, hot from the griddle, melt in you mouth, too good to be true and who cares that it's lunch... blueberry flapjacks. She contorted her face into a contrived expression of delicious ecstasy (I almost missed that expression she made as I was too busy trying to look down her blouse). Her mouth-watering description continued. However, before our server would finish her tantalizing report, she was interrupted. "It is not my Will to eat blueberries." He said in a very matter of fact tone. He gave me a knowing nod as if he was also letting me in on a big secret. She tilted her head to the left and she replied, "Oh, they're not from a can... they're fresh and really good." I ordered the flapjacks because I hadn't heard anyone say "flapjacks" outside of a black and white movie and I do like blueberries.During our meal we talked about ritual, Golden Dawn history and several meditation techniques before I had to ask him about his earlier comment to our waitress. Although I was sure he was joking, I couldn't be sure and had to ask. "What do you mean it is not your Will to eat blueberries?" He looked at me for a moment and repeated himself; "It is not my Will to eat blueberries." I needed clarification, "Do you mean Will with a big W or a little w?" He nonchalantly replied while starring at something floating in his coffee, "with a big W." And said nothing further. Although I wanted to debate I realized we were only having lunch. We sat in silence and I made short work of those tasty flapjacks. I would later question what I understood about the concept of True Will. Over the years I have heard many bright Thelemites make the similar remarks about Will and blueberries... and vegetables and politics and email and SUV's and exercise and quitting smoking and even learning the Hebrew alphabet. All in response to action they did not want to take. The wall of maple syrup they did not want to walk through. It's just all so sticky. And since those flapjacks I have discovered my own True Will. My True Will came to me on a cool fall evening showing up in the form of a dizzying realization while the tune "More than a feeling" blared on the stereo. I slammed on the brakes and the car skidded to a halt in the middle of the street. I clicked on the hazard lights, leaned on the steering wheel and pondered out into a rainy horizon. It was an epiphany, a rare moment of clarity and personal awareness. Now I could say for certain, True Will is divorced from Ego. True Will has nothing to do with what I want, my likes and dislikes. It is what I am which transcends my surroundings. Flavors (blueberries) and appearances (Top-heavy waitresses) play no part in the aspirations of my Higher Soul. My Will could be practiced in any era, country or economic status. In fact, it was also so obvious I wondered how I didn't figure it out years before. I feel fortunate to have had many other long-time Thelemites confirm my own experience. Perhaps, I have said too much. True Will as I have come to know and define it: The conscious attainment of the specific divine purpose an individual has on this earthly plane. I offer this definition only as a guide for those who are new to Thelema. Many better definitions have already been written. I would love to share one of my favorites by Denning and Philips but getting that quote would require getting out of this chair. Although the conclusion came to me like a Lightning Flash it was only the result of personal exploration and spiritual growth. Only after a shit-load of work (ritual, meditation, prayer and study) I have discovered the big secret... the Great Work is great work and certainly not as easy as picking blueberries. Questions, comments and hate mail are strongly encouraged. By the way these thoughts do not necessarily reflect the ideals of Cor Lucis as a whole or its members... but they might. Love is the law, love under will.
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